Tolerance of the Self

This upcoming Tuesday is the International Day for Tolerance.

To spread tolerance, Emily has a message about how we must be accepting of others as well as ourselves:

Dear CALM readers,

Society has always taught us that we are never the best we can be. We are never the smartest, prettiest, or richest in the crowd. But why bother listening?

Everyone struggles to accept who they are. Everyone. What we see and hear on social outlets makes us dislike who we are even more. Filled with promotions of unhealthy obsessions, rose-tinted versions of influencers’ lives, and downright lies, social media is well known for putting us down with unrealistic expectations.

But I do not intend to add to the oversaturated genre of down with social media. We’ve all heard plenty of that. Instead, I want to talk about the ideals that cause this problem. I want to open up the conversation about the ideals which foster our self-intolerance. Because once we can see it, we can defeat it.

For my university class, I had to read a book by Audre Lorde. She talked about the ‘mythical norm’: a white, thin, young, heterosexual, Christian, and financially secure cisgender male. The idea is that if you fit in all these boxes, you will be perfect.  

The thing is...even if you fit them all, you still won’t be allowed to accept yourself entirely. Why?

Because acceptance has nothing to do with what society desires. Acceptance comes from within. Acceptance is on your own terms.   

For the LGBTQIA+ community, self-acceptance comes in many forms; accepting who you are and that you will never be the ‘mythical norm’. Accepting that that is okay. Accepting that not only is it okay, but it is also beautiful. I do recognize that the complexity of doing so is being understated here.

Coming to terms with who you are is extremely hard to do. I know I struggle immensely. What I have noticed is that my negative feelings about myself often stem from contradictions. Such contractions involve what I previously knew about myself, what my friends think about me, and what my family thinks about me.

But I learned recently, through the help of a friend, that it is okay to like whoever I want. I don’t need to feel distressed (yes, I did cry to her about it). The only thing I need to do is choose self-tolerance every day.

For others, it might be every hour, every minute, or every second. No matter what, your top priority should be to recognize why you have these biases toward yourself, what false ideal is fueling them, and that you have the power to ignore them.

I will not lie. I still struggle to accept who I am. But every day and with the proper support, it gets easier. I feel more like myself. Nothing feels more freeing than embracing yourself and letting others embrace you.

Yes, it is hard to do it on your own. Never be afraid to reach out for help. There is no shame in that game, only strength, and empowerment. Tell yourself that nobody can stop you from thriving. You do not need to be what our ostentatious society romanticizes.

Why?

Because no one will ever be perfect, be it in looks, character, or virtue. Each of us has our doubts and struggles. No one is without challenging circumstances of their own. In the same breath, everyone has the power to overcome these circumstances.

Embrace yourself. Spread tolerance through example.

With love and encouragement,

Emily