Without Community: Isolated LGBTQ+ People

A popular phrase in the Queer space is “LGBTQIA+ community” because it works to include everyone who is a gender or sexual minority. However, sometimes there is no community to be found.

But what if there is no community to be found?

There are many places around the world where being LGBTQ+ means having no community whatsoever. Often rejected by family, friends, religious groups, and colleagues, some LGBTQIA+ people live in total isolation. So, the idea of community is foreign to many.

People who exist in a place without an open or present community may choose to remain closeted in hope of finding support through other channels. They know they reside in an area that is unaccepting, so they do everything in their power to change, accommodate, or hide away.

Of course, the ideal situation would be for them to come out anyway. By continuing to stay closeted, they hold the door shut for others who may be struggling in silence now and for those who will face a similar challenge in the future.

A community is not built out of thin air, but it only takes one person with open arms to give a million people a home.

Imagine what would happen if we all opened our arms, revealed our true selves, and welcomed adversity instead of hiding from it. The LGBTQIA+ community would be more widespread and impactful than ever before. We may even be able to avoid the mental health issues that fall upon those in isolation from the general population, as well as from the LGBTQIA+ space.

Today, I will tell you about those mental health issues and what we can do to offset their impact.

Isolation is Annihilation

I was listening to a song that anyone on TikTok must have come across by now: “Pizzazz” by Akintoye. There is one line in this song that strikes a chord with me.

“Every hour spent in isolation makes it easier to face annihilation.”

Not only is that a lyrical masterpiece, but it is also truthful. The longer we remain alone and lonely (and yes, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely), the higher risk we are for devastating mental and physical illnesses.

The feeling of loneliness can be triggered by many factors such as “lack of social support, no contact with the LGBTQ community, social withdrawal, and victimization” (1).

These examples can be tied back to the problem of not being able to discuss one’s LGBTQ+ status with their social circle. However, there are instances of isolation that do not manifest on the outside.

These instances are known as cognitive and emotional isolation.

Cognitive isolation occurs when LGBTQIA+ people lack proper leaders, role models, idols, or accurate information about their gender or sexuality. Accurate of course meaning non-discriminatory, non-religious, and politically/historically correct.

Emotional isolation occurs when members of the community experience a social-emotional disconnect from their peers and family. It happens due to reasons such as a lack of relatability, blatant discrimination, fear of being outed, and self-rejection.

Both forms of isolation can result in physical ailments and conditions such as insomnia, heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, and high blood pressure. The mental health effects are numerous. Some examples include suicidal ideation, depression, internalization, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

Sadly, these issues are less likely to be addressed when someone is socially or emotionally isolated. LGBTQIA+ people who are living in areas that are generally discriminatory may feel unsafe accessing doctors’ offices or therapists. They are also less likely to take advantage of public services such as nonprofits, community centers, and free support groups.

Well, that is if those resources are even available in their area.

Combining isolation, illness, and lack of access to care, LGBTQ+ people are stuck in place. Out of those impacted by this subject, those in extremely rural areas are most impacted. This is due to the higher rates of anti-LGBTQIA+ sentiment, a greater conservative population, and geographic seclusion.

The longer these individuals remain in such areas, or remain in the closet and isolated, the weaker they become mentally. Their resolve breaks down, their hopes fall, and their self-love diminishes.

Leaving one’s town or city may not be an option and even online resources can be a challenge in rural areas. So, what should they do to avoid facing self-annihilation?

Overcoming Isolation

While everyone can have a different path that they take toward healing, staying put is never one of them.

To escape isolation, you must be willing to run toward something, not away.

Now the question is, where is the starting point? My advice consists of three points:

Come Out ASAP.

This stands true for every piece of advice I will give. If you are not honest with yourself or with others, you will forever remain trapped in a cycle of sadness and shame.

Coming out safely in unaccepting areas can be a challenge. However, if you do not do so, you are standing in your own way of happiness and health. If you know it would be unsafe to come out to your friends or family, try making new friends in-person or online. Make sure they have a different attitude, then come out to them.

Coming out is non-negotiable, so whatever way you do it, just make sure you follow through.

The second piece of advice I have is for you to build authentic relationships with others. I emphasize the word authentic.

One of the main reasons people feel lonely despite having friends and family is that these relationships are shallow, forced, distrustful, or dishonest.

If your family or friends are anti-LGBTQ+, your relationship with them is not authentic.

If you lie to them about your identity, the bond is dishonest and shallow.

If you do not like your friends or family but have no other choice than to be in their company, the bond is forced.

If you are always looking over your shoulder in fear that you will be outed, the relationship is distrustful. Instead, you should form connections with those who know and embrace the real you.

You should be safe, open, and accepted around whoever you choose to spend time with. Without these authentic connections, you will remain isolated both emotionally and socially.

And, let me tell you, people who do not accept you do not deserve your time. You do not owe it to anyone to suppress yourself and suffer health consequences in the name of obligation.

My last tidbit of advice is hard to swallow. Pay the price for community. Being openly LGBTQIA+ in our current society is a political statement, a badge we do not choose and can never remove. Overcoming isolation means accepting the fact that there are consequences.

Being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community is not all pride parades, beautiful friendships, and amazing feats of perseverance. As a sexual or gender minority, you will face discrimination, hate, and stigmatization. You might lose friends and family members.

But remember, it is worth it.

You can make better friends, find your own family, grow mentally, and explore all life has to offer without being held back by hatred.

Here is a piece of bonus advice:

Get yourself a good therapist. A really good therapist.

Sources:

(1) Isolation and LGBTQ youth: Social, psychological and financial implications | New England Psychologist (nepsy.com)

LGBT Foundation - How Isolation Leads to Loneliness

Loneliness | Psychology Today