A Lifetime on Alert: How LGBTQ+ people must exist.
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, I can appreciate how far society has come.
Read: I acknowledge that things were worse in the past (for example, when my presence was a crime punishable by death).
However, the suffering of my community in the past does not negate the suffering of the present community. We are still allowed to feel anxious, scared, angry, and sad about our situation.
A little secret: no one has ever felt better after being told they could feel worse.
Another secret: just because our emotions are valid does not mean inaction is.
The LGBTQIA+ community of the past fought tooth and nail to get us the rights we, and every other human being, innately deserve. They were scared and uncertain, but they kept fighting.
That is what we must do now, and likely for many years ahead, to survive in this society as sexual and gender minority people.
Why? Well, if you are reading this blog, you probably know about the trials and tribulations that come along with being LGBTQ+. Whether it be discrimination, stigma, rejection, or violence, we wake up every day to it.
Although I honestly believe that times are changing, progress is slow. In the meantime, we must find the courage to continue fighting, existing, and surviving.
What does that mean?
What does it mean to exist as an LGBTQIA+ person? To start each day in survival mode?
Continue reading to find out.
A Reality Show Reality
Let us start with the first question: what does it mean to exist as an LGBTQIA+ person?
This is an immensely complex question. I could write an entire book on the topic and still end it with “but it depends...”.
To respect our experiences of us as individuals, I choose to answer by presenting the SparkNotes version to the general community:
Your life is questioned.
Your personality and appearance are standardized.
Your private life is a public affair.
Your life is a statement.
You are a public figure.
As I list these points out, I realize that it sounds like I am describing the life of a celebrity.
I also realized that this analogy is correct, but on one condition: the famous person is only famous because they are controversial.
One public figure that come to mind is Kim Kardashian, who first appeared in the spotlight after her sex tape was leaked.
Another is Joe Rogan, who is only famous because of the wild things he says on his podcast. I refrain from stating my opinion on either person, as that is for a gossip blog.
My purpose for bringing them up is to illustrate how living as an LGBTQIA+ person is equal to living as a controversial celebrity, minus the fortune and awards.
Rogan is a funny comparison, as he has shared his thought on the community copious amounts of times.
Hint: he defiantly is NOT a reader of this blog.
However, he does share our general experience of being questioned, generalized, publicized, and idolized. As an influential podcaster, Rogan certainly has felt the pressure of having all eyes on him (or rather, all ears).
Every tweet, statement, grocery trip, public appearance, vacation, and venture is put under a microscope and judged in the court of public opinion. That would cause anxiety, built-up resentment, and loneliness no matter who you are.
The LGBTQIA+ community faces similar obstacles. If we wish to buy a cake, that is a political statement. If a gay man wants to go out for an iced coffee, that is dubbed a classic behavior.
Do you see the picture I am painting?
Nothing we do is simply something we just do. It is something we are saying. Sometimes, the pressure is so anxiety-inducing that it is debilitating. Other times, we shave all our hair off. To each their own.
Surviving Survival Mode
Enough pop culture references. It is time to answer the second question: what does it mean to wake up every day in survival mode?
First off, survival mode is defined as an “adaptive physiological changes in our body that help us respond to the stressors that we are faced with.” (1)
Normally, we go into this state when faced with obvious dangers, such as a fire or displays of violence. Sadly, many people in the LGBTQIA+ community live in this state constantly, with rare breaks for relief.
Humans are not meant to remain in survival mode for long periods. Doing so can cause adverse mental health effects such as chronic stress, anxiety disorders, panic or anxiety attacks, and depression.
It can also damage our physical health by increasing our risk of heart problems, obesity, muscle aches/pains, and high blood pressure.
Consciously or unconsciously, LGBTQIA+ people go through their daily lives in this state of alertness. When going out, we must be careful of our surroundings. We may wonder if the person we are speaking to is homophobic.
We worry if the area we are in is not accepting. We tell ourselves to tone it down and wonder if we can come out safely to every new person we befriend.
It can be utterly exhausting.
There are also a few different stressors. For example, the passage of a discriminatory law or hearing about a rise in crime against minority communities.
Personally, I start my mornings by checking the news and wishing for three things:
I hope nobody I like got canceled.
Please let there not be another out-of-pocket bill.
Can we go one day without an offensive word in the Trending Now section?
On average, the universe does not grant any of my three wishes. To be fair, the news will be the news. If it bleeds it leads.
To an extent, we all need to seek out good news, as the headlines tend to ignore those stories. Still, the fact that an event occurred that was bad enough for the front page is alarming enough.
The popular advice to give you would be to not read the headlines. I think this is poor advice.
Read the headlines. You need to know what is going on in the world. If you do not see the injustice, you cannot overcome it. If you are not aware what is wrong with society, how can you hope to correct it?
I implore you to take your anxiety, anger, fear, and sadness and transform it into inspiration. I admit that I get mad at what I read. I cry and feel hopeless just as must as the next LGBTQIA+ person or an ally.
The difference is what I do after I wipe my tears. I turn those unfavorable feelings into a passion for change.
The urge to never read another headline becomes the craving to read them all. I want to know everything that goes on so that no form of injustice or inequality can be brushed past me.
You can give yourself permission to be anxious. But you can never give yourself permission to stand down.
We need you to keep fighting for yourself because every day you exist as an LGBTQ+ person, you pave the way for liberation.
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