Here’s Why Asexuality is not a Response to Sexual Trauma.
TW: This article discusses sexual assault and sexual trauma. If you are experiencing sexual abuse, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 or use the online chat at National Sexual Assault Hotline: Confidential 24/7 Support | RAINN. If you are in immediate danger or need immediate in-person help, call 911 now. The new suicide hotline is 988.
This is not the same as being aromantic or demisexual. Aromantic people lack the desire to have romantic relationships but can still desire sex. Demisexual people experience both romantic and sexual desires, but only after they’ve formed a very close bond with someone. It may seem like I am throwing a lot of terms at you, but you must understand the differences between these identities.
Why? Because today, we are discussing the difference between being asexual and having sexual trauma. The debate has been raged by anti-LGBTQIA+ people to invalidate asexuality.
Contesters claim sexual trauma creates asexuality and that it is impossible to experience a total lack of sexual desire unprovoked. This viewpoint is intensely demeaning to the entire LGBTQIA+ community, as similar arguments have been proposed to invalidate gay and lesbian people. This viewpoint is also, lightly put, grossly inaccurate.
One Plus One Does Not Equal Three
I want to recognize one key point for the counterargument. This is the fact that LGBTQIA+ people experience sexual trauma more often than heterosexual and cisgender people. The chart below visualizes the large disparity:
As you can see, bisexual women and transgender people are at the highest risk compared to any other sexuality or gender identity. In fact, the HRC stated that “22 percent of bisexual women have been raped by an intimate partner, compared to 9 percent of straight women.” You might have noticed that LGBTQ women top out cisgender men across the board. This is likely due to a combination of LGBTQ-related risk factors combined with the fact that 90% of all adult rape victims are women. In contrast, 90-95% of all rapes are committed by men.
However, this does not apply to every situation or identity. For instance, straight men experience rape more often than gay men. So, while true that most LGBTQIA+ people are at a greater risk for experiencing sexual trauma, it does not mean trauma causes asexuality. One accurate reason for the greater risk is that LGBTQIA+ people are members of a marginalized community.
We have less protection and face more discrimination and prejudice than the average straight or cisgender person. Police are also more likely to dismiss our reports, leading to the continuation of preventable abuse. Additionally, people are born LGBTQIA+. People are not born sexually traumatized.
A lesson in common sense: if A came before B, B could not have caused A. That is why Kayne West didn’t invent the wheel. It is also why John Mulaney did not kill Princess Diana (he was in Wisconsin and 12…comment if you got that reference).
Defining the Difference
Do I have body image issues? Yes. Do I prefer extensive personal space? Most definitely, yes. But I still have desires and needs. Also, I know people who are asexual and have no history of sexual trauma. Since the argument is based on the idea of “all” and not “some”, even one person who defies it makes it an invalid argument.
But, removing personal experience from it, we need not look any further than the definitions for the plain-as-day answer. As mentioned at the top of this blog, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction or the absence of interest in sex. While it can be used as a sexual orientation, it is more accurately a lack of one. Meanwhile, some people who go through sexual assault or harassment may not have lasting effects, but others may experience severe aftereffects.
The response varies by person and depends on a multitude of factors. But an absence of interest is not likely a common response. Most survivors of sexual assault have some feelings surrounding sex, whether they be negative or positive. Another point, numbness, which can be a trauma response, is not the same as a total absence. While I sometimes go through periods of emotional numbness due to Persistent Depressive Disorder and trauma, I still experience long periods of feeling a wide array of emotions.
People that are asexual are not numb to sexual activity one day and are interested the next. Asexuality means never experiencing sexual desire or attraction. It is a total absence, not a periodic fluctuation.
Countering Misinformation
Sadly, despite the obvious inaccuracy of the belief, many people believe the notion either because of discrimination or ignorance. People fall victim to false information about the LGBTQIA+ community and perpetuate stigma. Luckily, there are steps you can take to stop the spread of misinformation. Here are a few ways to get involved:
Join CALM! By joining our team as a blogger, podcast guest, communicator, or researcher, you can start advocating for LGBTQIA+ mental health and social equality.
Share factual information. You can start by sharing this blog post!
Speak up and point out misinformation when you encounter it.
How do you help the cause? Leave your answer in the comment section!